The weight of my Harvard MBA is sometimes too heavy to bear

I mean, it’s okay — I bear it fine as I continue to navigate the difficult journey that life is, almost twenty years since I started the world’s most famous MBA program. But I don’t think it’s easy to understand, from the outside, the complicated role that a shiny brand like Harvard can play in one’s life. You mention it to people you meet, and they’re in awe. It’s like you won the lottery. They assume you should be flying in an orbit that is out of reach for most.

But you’re not. I’m not. I’ve been crashing and crashing and crashing. At 44, I’m nowhere in my career. I forfeited a stable corporate career, because soon after finishing my MBA, I ventured into the world of entrepreneurship. I failed at entrepreneurship too, multiple times. With both career paths tainted with mistakes and outright failures, I find myself both underqualified and overqualified, and at the heart of this dichotomy is my Harvard MBA. It’s there like the Colosseum — grandiose but unusable for practical purposes.

I’m exaggerating. The network is still there, and I’m often able to use it for my work, which is these days mostly of a consulting nature. But if the Harvard MBA was supposed to guarantee a stable and successful career path, then it did everything but.

The other day, even my wife made a comment that I took personally. This summer, I started working for a high school cross country team. What began as a volunteer position is looking to turn into a formal role. I love running and have been greatly enjoying this new experience of coaching. I will eventually get paid for my work, but it’s not a lot of money. For the budget of my large family, it’s barely meaningful, but it’s not in conflict with my daytime work, so I’ve been feeling good about this new endeavor.

“Did you go to Harvard to become a coach?” my wife asked as we were discussing yet another stressful financial situation.

“Absolutely,” I said. I vented at her question. I explained that I pursued my Harvard MBA to avoid being a slave to cliché formulas and expectations. I wanted versatility in my life. Maybe making 500K a year is not my purpose in life.

Is it not? Was it ever?

I don’t know. This self-analysis is a tricky mental exercise. I’ve evolved over all these years since my MBA, and the nature of these changes is hard to dissect. Maybe my struggles and failures have caused me to pivot and search…