The biggest sign of emotional intelligence, according to me

I had a friend, whose name I won’t mention. He passed away. It was a tragic accident. We weren't close friends but friends nonetheless. Our families were quite close. I had great respect for him but he possessed one trait that always stood out. It defined our interactions. I have another acquaintance, who’s similar. Here again, our families are close, our wives are friends, so I’m singling him out.

Both of these individuals are (unfortunately “were” in the case of the first one) very intelligent, very educated. They are very nice people.

This trait though… I find it very annoying.

It’s anti-intelligent. Or let’s say anti-emotional-intelligent.

Let’s say you socialize — for example, you get together with families and you start with the usual small talk. You talk about your job and ask them about theirs. You talk about your kids and ask about theirs.

YOU ask.

They don’t.

They are incapable of expressing interest in your life, even if it’s small talk of a perfunctory nature.

You ask them again about their life or work. You continue the conversation. You talk about yourself too. You come up with anecdotes, stories, and narratives to keep the dialogue alive. You grimace and smile, as you talk, in an attempt to keep it all engaging.

They listen. They are present. They are very nice and polite. They too change…