oh dear, I can't believe I'm starting to comment on Medium, esp. these kind of stories. So I've been with my partner for 23 years. 4 kids. The solution is actually simple. Compromises. Sometimes (often!) my wife wouldn't be in the mood for sex and I'd have to make extra effort (and that can take a while) to deserve it (which is fair). Sometimes she'd let me in (pun intended) no strings attached, no matter the mood. Because we compromise. Every particular moment of rejection is uneasy, but in the grand scheme of things we work things out, at least so far. Compromises and empathy. And I guess love.