My biggest strength, my weakness too

I have a mistress. Her name is Solitude.

When I’m on my own, I am at total peace. I don’t want no friends (a double negative, I know). I do have close friends and getting together for a beer is awesome. This week by amazing coincidence, two of my best friends visited me in the US. We haven’t seen each other for many years, but we chat every day on our messaging group. We went to Cambridge. We’ve been close for more than twenty years. Then we lived and worked across London, Moscow and America. I was, of course, very happy to see my friends.

But… The time I spent with myself beats any social outing. I listen to music, I read, I write, and I reminisce. I have a beer too — with myself. I’m at peace. I guess I’m an introvert. Maybe that’s why I love running so much. I’m my own best friend, and companion. My lover too. I find myself the most interesting man in the world. Do you know this guy?

I’m more interesting than him — for myself. Really.

I grew up the only child. I sure wanted to have a sibling but even when I was a kid, I found comfort in being on my own. During my teenage years, I was really lonely. I went to boarding school and my sense of loneliness became an outright mental pain. I longed to have close friends, I wanted to have a girlfriend. I wanted to love and I wanted to be loved. Even then I was…