I’ve completely lost track of what’s happening in Russia.

I shut the door and I don’t think it will ever re-open.

It wasn’t an intentional act but it happened.

I left the country with my family almost a decade ago. This “shutting of the door” happened before. You’re too far away, notwithstanding your close relatives and friends, who are still in Moscow. Yet another corruption scandal? A shady death of a government official or some business tycoon? Sanctions? A business raided? Putin’s speech? You follow the headlines for a while but then it all fades away — the interest, the curiosity, and even the memories. Would I find my way around Moscow today if I were to drive, I sometimes wonder. Barely. Of course, I remember the main avenues and directions. I spent thousands of hours stuck in Moscow’s traffic in both my younger and adult years. But it’s also so distant now and the city has probably changed a lot too.

Occasionally though the door would re-open and I’d feel Russia’s presence. Sochi’s Olympic games, Crimea annexation, the world cup in 2018, and now the war in Ukraine.

The latter event shocked me like no other event. For many months my heart and mind were filled with a mix of total disbelief, and anger How, how? Why? How can so much pain be caused by a single uncontrollable individual? My Mom has been especially emotional so we’ve been talking a lot, unable to calm our senses, months after the war started. I got my Mom and stepfather out of Russia two weeks after the war started and they…