Is it ok to be insensitive to close relatives and friends in your writing?

Keith Richards, for example, called Mick Jagger’s penis tiny in his memoir.

I’m not talking about “My father was a serial killer” stories. If your father was a serial killer, by all means, destroy your father in your writing.

There are stories whose entire purpose is to document complicated family history. I think these are less controversial, though I’m sure the characters — if alive — experience mixed emotions. You have a certain life experience for which certain people were responsible. You feel strongly about sharing your experience. “Educated” memoir is a good example. The protagonist’s parents were a bunch of freaks. Don’t thank me for this brilliant and very sophisticated review of the book’s plot.

What about other stories where it’s very difficult to draw the line between honesty, insensitive revelations, and hurting the people who you’re close to?

A couple of weeks ago I came across a story where the author talked about her husband disrespecting her writing ambition. In her story, she kind of disrespected her husband too, the way she talked about him. I’m not taking sides. But the story made me think. Is it ok to criticize someone you’re close to, someone you love, and someone who loves you? Without them expecting it? And maybe they are aware of things being complicated (what’s not complicated in this life?!); maybe they worry, feel uneasy, or feel remorse; maybe they don’t; either way there you are…