I’m so afraid of public speaking

Here on Medium, I could write a story about how I masturbated last night (I didn’t… not last night…), with little fear of exposing myself to thousands of readers.

Yet when it comes to public speaking it’s like I have a disability.

It’s like God empowered me with one strength but it came at the direct expense of another trait or another part of my intelligence.

This is a decades-long problem. Cambridge, Harvard MBA, Morgan Stanley, Silicon Valley, corporate roles and entrepreneurship, my family that I’m very proud of, fast marathons, a life lived to the full so far with many ups and downs — you’d think I’d be thick-skinned by now when it comes to speaking in public. And I am not talking about being Tony Robbins. I’m talking about the average ability to speak coherently and confidently in front of an audience.

Confidently? Coherently?

I wish.

Last week I was at a corporate offsite event at my new job. It had everything you’d expect of a corporate retreat — a bit of socializing and various activities designed to bring the team together and help the company grow. During one exercise we were split into smaller groups and then had to present our findings to the entire team. There were about fifty people in total.

I actually volunteered to present the findings of our group. I need to fight my demons, damn it! I’m in my forties. I’m not an executive but I’m the leadership team.