I’m 42. My son is a senior at high school. How should I feel about it?
I don’t overanalyze. It is what it is. But I guess as years go by, as I look at my ups and downs, at my struggles and my ambitions, more than ever before I’m aware of how we had children when we were really young. I’d sometimes take my youngest kids (twins! they’re ten) to their activities and I’d see parents in their fifties. Their kids are younger than my youngest kids.
Or another example — say I interview for a job or a consulting project. There is always a bit of a small talk in these interviews. I’d be speaking to someone younger than me, or maybe similar age, and I’d mention how my oldest kid is finishing high school first. A couple of times I felt that the small talk on this particular front was a little dry because my interviewer would have no clue about what it’s like to have a seventeen-year-old at the age of forty-two. Or, if I don’t declare my age, he or she would make assumptions about my age.
Maybe it’s cool — that I’m a young parent. Maybe I should be proud.
Maybe not. I’ve struggled quite a lot in my career-related soul-searching and financially. I’d be a millionaire if it weren’t for my large family (a stupid “if”). My oldest son is off to college in a year. My daughter plays tennis. Tennis is easily a fifty-thousand-dollar-a-year project if you’re very serious about it (we are). I know it sounds exotic — spending fifty thousand dollars on a kid’s sport. But I’m not ashamed to talk about it. I am a believer in trying big things life, even if it means struggling and failing miserably.
I remember how it happened, having the first child when I was twenty-five. My wife was twenty-one. I was in my second year at Morgan Stanley, working hard. The first year at my job was really hard. I thought I’d get fired for underperforming. But then things improved. I was working on good projects. I was exhausted, putting in crazy hours but I could tell my career was suddenly on a spectacular upward stretch. So I came home one night, very late, and told my wife — let’s have a child. It happened quickly. I forget the timeline but it might have happened that very night… Not the child right away, but you know…
Then I did an MBA (Whether my Harvard MBA is a blessing or a curse, I’m still figuring it out) and we had our second child. So my oldest son is seventeen. My second son is fifteen!
Then we had twins… They’re ten now.
From a purely personal perspective, it’s awesome being a young parent. I don’t want to sound cheesy but I’m great friends with my kids. I go running with them. I listen to music they listen to (and they listen to music I listen to). We tease each other in good-spirited ways. We have arguments on serious topics. I look at my teenage sons and I can remember like yesterday when I was their age so I’m more patient with them and more empathetic. I don’t always succeed at dealing with their difficult moments, but I often do.
From a financial perspective — well, it sucks.
What would I recommend to my kids about having kids?
I wouldn’t recommend anything. I have a feeling they’ll have kids late. They’ll probably build their careers and businesses. They’ll be very conservative. So be it. On the other hand, life’s unpredictable… You can meet someone you love and if having a child at a young age is not crazy (other things equal!), have a child.
But maybe think twice before having four kids…
Here’s me with my oldest sons a couple of weeks ago in Miami.
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