I ordered the Bible

How do I frame this, without sounding political, impressionable, or even triggering some readers?

I never over-identified myself with either political affiliation, although I’ve shifted to the right in recent years.

I used to have faith when I was a kid. I used to pray every night. No one taught me. I taught myself. My family wasn’t religious. There was very little “church” in the Soviet state, the final decade of which I got to witness. But my Mom believed in God, and somehow I discovered faith when I was a kid.

But then I lost it. At first, the loss was subtle. I started skipping my evening prayers. I guess I was too busy growing up and dealing with the currents that carry you during coming of age. I then started a family pretty early, and was further consumed by the intensity of life. There was less time and space for spiritual reflection.

In the last decade or so came the last phase of my spiritual “un-awakening.” I rejected religion very openly, on a more intellectual basis. I don’t believe in the afterlife, for example. I love living, but I don’t see how we are different from any other living organism, except maybe for the miracle of consciousness. We all die, and our consciousness — though probably a one-in-a-billion mutation in the universe — perishes too. It’s not that difficult to accept. A year ago, I had a small surgery and went under general anesthesia for the first time. That’s how death must feel — a total blackout. All-embracing nothingness that can’t be felt. And of course, there is…