I actively reject the Christian concept of eternal life

I guess there is a downside. If I meet my Maker, he’ll be right to say: this really is it for you — game over — because you never believed. But maybe I can then ask him for forgiveness — or is this misdeed (misbelief!) for which forgiveness is impossible?

On the other hand, there is equally a downside to believing in eternal life. You reach the end of the line only to have your dreams crushed… There is no negotiation, no forgiveness. You end your journey on a sour note.

So I’m writing another note on my doubts about all things faith and religion.

Perhaps I’m going through some kind of a mid-life reckoning. Not a crisis — though I’ve experienced many failures and frustrations, and some are ongoing. But I’m overwhelmed by the intensity of life, so I think a lot about existing. It’s not at all a bad feeling — being overwhelmed — and it’s not the first time I’m experiencing these emotions, though recently, my thoughts and senses have been vibrant.

It may have to do with my kids growing up. My oldest son is finishing high school and is off to college soon. I’m feeling a little sentimental and nervous as he’s entering unchartered territory — that of adult life and everything that comes with it — dreams, ambitions, relationships, difficult choices, responsibility, successes, frustrations, failures, mistakes, and heartbreaks. He’s already starting to search for his future path. We talk a lot about career choices, relationships, and what makes one…