Call me Alexei, not Alex

I’m slightly concerned that this story might come off as a bit melodramatic, but so be it. It’s genuine.

My Mom started this conversation today.

She told me several times in the past that when I was being named, she had in mind my namesake (Alexei or Alyosha) from Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. If you don’t know Russian, you might be surprised that my closest family members call me Alyosha (short for Alexei).

The Brothers Karamazov is my favorite book by the way, but I no longer feel like outpouring my admiration for it. In light of the aggression and violence that’s happening, everything Russia-related feels tainted. And I’m not referring to what others think. Generally, the opinions of others have little impact on me. I am communicating my very own sentiment. For example, I used to love some Russian rock music and the songs are still in my music library but now I fast-forward through most of them. Nothing feels innocent anymore; there’s no sense of lightness or love, and no room for admiration.

Anyway, I don’t overanalyze Mom’s story. If anything, it’s a little weird that there was a fictional character that influenced how I was named. But I’m cool with that. Alexei is the most positive character in the novel. ‘Positive’ is a primitive description, but Alyosha is definitely likable — there is lightness and kindness in his character. The book is dark but the ending is optimistic and Alexei’s lightness is central to the final scene. I used the word lightness twice and I like my choice…